July 5, 2025 - Day 638 - PTSD

I sat with some friends the other day, mostly mothers, and we have a lovely breakfast drinking coffee and chatting about life. We talked about the kids and the hot weather. Summer camp and sack lunches. 

Our conversation eventually turned towards reflections of nearly 2 years of war with Hamas and 12 days of war with Iran. 

Here is the personal truth that I shared, but will say again (in my own attempt to deal with PTSD). The night that Israel attacked Iran, we were awoken at 3am. We got an emergency alert message: extreme. With no additional information. I initially thought it meant that we were being infiltrated by terrorists. I closed and locked all of the windows and protective blinds (treese) in my house. I got full dressed, including shoes and my gun. I shut myself in my dark safe room and prayed. I prayed that what happened on October 7 wasn't about to happen to me. I sat quietly in the dark, clutching my cellphone and searching for any information or news. It felt like an eternity. I actively worked on calming my breathing, on staying sharp, contacting my family... and continuously and desperately searched for information. I said to myself that night that there was no way my family would lose me. I would do anything to keep myself safe. If Gd forbid I had to defend myself, I would. If it's a terrorist or me... It's me, I choose life. 

Image created with the help of Gemini AI

This point lead to the collective vocalizations about what to do about ones children in this situation. How to hide them. Do you hide them in the closet? Couch? Cabinet? Under the stairs? Will they stay quiet until it's safe? Or do you drug them to keep them quiet? Benadryl? Melatonin? Something stronger? Real questions debated in hushed tones and serious faces. I whispered to myself (not so quietly), "this is f🤬cked up." Then louder, "are we really having Holocaust style conversations about how to hide our kids?" Because yes, yes we were.

The horrific truth is that if you're Jewish, chances are that you have thought about what to do and how to hide your children if antisemitism gets any worse. It's in our DNA, we can smell the hatred and we know where it can lead us, and the world. So yes, we debate how and if we would theorhetically hide our children. 

Maybe not everyone is willing or able to vocalize it, but I would dare to say that the vast majority of Jews have thought it. How would I hide them? Would anyone hide me/us? 

This is what it means to be Jewish in the world in 2025. This is our reality. It's not just my own fears and worries. The group of diverse women I sat with that morning had the exact same fears and worries I did. We had not once before vocalized them to one another, yet there we sat recounting our families strategies and plans for "what if" terrorists infiltrated Tekoa. Most plans were pretty similar and the bottom line is: hide the children and fight.

We were lucky that it didn't happen to us on October 7, 2023. When Hamas attacked southern Israel, there were also supposed to be attacks on the northern border by Hezbollah, and attacks here in Judea and Samaria as well. Although October 7 was horrific and devastating, a coordinated attack to that level would have been utterly devastating. For around two weeks following October 7, I was terrified to open my windows or shower my children. I had nightmares of terrorists coming in through our windows to attack my family. I couldn't bear the idea of us being in the middle of shower time and something horrific starting... I would lock down the house to shower my children. I'm not sure how long that trauma coping strategy lasted, but eventually it faded back into a normal routine.

Nickoma and I made a plan at the beginning of the war. A plan no married couple with young children should ever have to create. I would fire the weapon and he would physically fight. Siikwan would hide and take Loowan with her. But if Siikwan couldn't keep Loowan quiet, she didn't have to. I actually had to tell my daughter that if I ever say to run and hide she shouldn't wait for anyone not even her sister. She should hide and not come out until family gets her. We have options for outside and inside hiding spots and she knows them well. 

This is what PTSD looks like during war. An entire nation is suffering, battling, fighting an internal war while outside an actual physical war rages. These feelings don't just go away with a ceasefire or even peace treaty. They take time, vigilance, and patience, along with the faith that these feelings are an acceptable response and will pass.  If they don't, get help. Don't wait.  

Image created with the help of Gemini AI

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What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop after a person experiences or witnesses a traumatic, frightening, or distressing event. While it's normal to experience upsetting thoughts and feelings after such an event, for some people, these symptoms persist and significantly impact their daily lives, leading to a diagnosis of PTSD.

Symptoms - PTSD symptoms are generally grouped into four main categories:

Intrusive Memories (Re-experiencing):

• Flashbacks: Feeling as if the traumatic event is happening again, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating.
• Nightmares: Recurring dreams related to the event.
• Distressing thoughts: Unwanted and involuntary memories of the trauma.
• Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to reminders of the event.

Avoidance:

• Avoiding thoughts or feelings about the traumatic event.
• Avoiding people, places, activities, or situations that remind them of the trauma.
• Trying to push memories out of their mind, sometimes by distracting themselves.

Negative Changes in Thinking and Mood:

• Negative thoughts about oneself, others, or the world.
• Ongoing negative emotions like fear, blame, guilt, anger, or shame.
• Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event.
• Feeling detached from family and friends.
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed.
• Difficulty experiencing positive emotions.

Changes in Arousal and Reactivity (Hyperarousal):

• Being easily startled or frightened.
• Always being on guard for danger (Hypervigilance).
• Self-destructive behavior (e.g., drinking or smoking too much, driving recklessly).
• Trouble sleeping (insomnia).
• Trouble concentrating.
• Irritability, angry outbursts, or aggressive behavior.

Treatment plans are individualized and often involve a combination of therapy and, if appropriate, medication. It's crucial for individuals with PTSD to work with a healthcare provider to determine the best course of action for them.