These 8 days have been enormously stressful. Filled with broken sleep patterns, safe rooms and orange shooting stars (missiles).
I'm definitely suffering from anxiety. In my current obsessive connection to my cellphone, I attribute it to needing updates from homefront command. My app has worked perfectly this whole war, except for yesterday afternoon.
I spent a few hours cleaning the house and actively trying to separate from my cellphone. "It's ok," I thought, "I have the app. I don't need to hold my phone in my hand." When the sirens wailed in the afternoon, I didn't get any sort of warning.
The warnings give us approximately 10 minutes to prepare ourselves. Sirens, in my area, give me 90 seconds to get into a safe room. It's the difference between entering the safe room, panicking or not. Did you have to run or not?
So this afternoon it was all sirens, but no warnings. I found this deeply disturbing. My sense of security was shattered for a moment. My "control" over the situation rendered disconnected made me feel more raw and exposed than a week of missiles.
Habits are an important part of the human psyche. It helps us to feel safe and secure. Knowing I have a 10 minute warning is like a life line or a security blanket. Not having it, felt crushing.
But tonight my phone redeemed itself. At 2:32am a warning notification was sent that the IRGC in Iran launched a volley of missiles towards Israel.. Thank Gd, I got the warning this time giving me time to wake up, grab my bathrobe, and start shutting down the house (closing security blinds, etc). That's when I generally, have seen the missiles tearing through my sky.
But tonight there were no sirens where I am. Just distant booms and missiles cutting across the sky. But there were warnings, and lately that's where my sense of control comes from.
The warning.
A heads up.
Hey Sarah, wake up, missiles are on the way.
Praying for the end of the Ayatollahs.
Praying for a #FreeIran.
Praying for the people to beat their swords into plowshares and that the world will finally know war, no more.
Shabbat shalom.
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