This summer I was in search of new reading material. I've been following Noa Tishby, former Israeli convoy for combating antisemitism internationally, since the beginning of the war. She wrote a book with Emmanuel Acho, adding to his Uncomfortable Conversations series.
Emmanuel's debut book Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man was released after the George Floyd riots in 2020.
This year, Emmanuel and Noa wrote the book Uncomfortable Conversations with a Jew together.
I read both and here are my thoughts.
I started with reading Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man as it was the "original book" and to understand Emmanuel, his writing style, and, like he says, "to get uncomfortable". The book was phenomenally written in the style of an open conversation between Emmanuel and his readers. It is attainable, understandable, and incredibly important to read. Although I was proud of myself for being familiar with many topics in the book, the section about "white privilege" reminded me of a personal story I experienced early in my marriage.
Nickoma and I had just gotten married and were leaving on our honeymoon at Ben Gurion airport. I, per usual, was quickly waved through security. Nickoma was not. The questions first started about his name. What does it mean? Are you Jewish? Really Jewish? Prove it type of questioning. I got really upset and told the worker that it was not his opportunity to learn about native Americans and to just let us go before we missed our flight.
In hindsight. I totally Karen-ed out. My white privilege (and not Jewish sounding last name) allowed me to be waved through... Well everywhere. My blondish hair, blue eyes, and glasses make me look like the most non threatening soccer mom on the planet. I can easily pass through crowds and get waved through most checkpoints. Nickoma was used to being stopped and being asked questions. It enraged me. What if I was a criminal mastermind? How would they even know? Yet my husband who doesn't quite look Jewish enough, or black enough, or native enough, or whatever they thought will get questioned until we miss our flight. I am privileged because at a glance, I'm the most average non threatening white woman on the planet.
It took me a few months to get started on the next book, Uncomfortable Conversations with a Jew. I stewed in my "privilege" and challenged myself to firstly be more aware of it (I genuinely didn't think of myself as privileged), and secondly to be more sensitive of the struggles of those around me.
I finally started the second book and finished it yesterday. Uncomfortable Conversations with a Jew by Emmanuel Acho and Noa Tishby is the conversation that I would hope non Jews and allies would be open to having. To learn and grow with an open mind and heart.
Although, as a self identifying / proud / curious / pretty darn well-read Jew and Israeli-American, I knew a lot of the information... There was still new information to be had, especially about the origins, length, and damned-no-matter what we do sort of antisemitism.
But the book gave me hope. Hope that there are people out there who would read it (both books for that matter) and become a bit more sensitive to Jewish people and our rights to exist in this world.
I got a lot of backhanded antisemitism growing up. The kind that would make me giggle uncomfortably and almost apologize for my Jewishness. Here is a short list with some of the responses I wish I had given over the years.
"But you don't look Jewish."
You mean I don't look like a 1930s Nazi era propaganda poster? I don't have horns or a hook nose so I don't have "the look"?
"But you're so nice."
What do you mean? Why do you assume that because I'm Jewish, I wouldn't be nice?
"You know you're going to hell right?"
It's a shame that people felt comfortable voicing this out loud. How does one respond to this? Ok, well we believe that every soul goes to heaven and that the real "hell" is the personal purgatory of watching the movie of your life and see how and where you made mistakes...until you're done punishing yourself and ready to either be one with Gd or be reincarnated to "try again". Even so. I generally don't use this as an conversation starter.
"Jewish? Like in the bible, Jewish?"
Uhhhh. Yeah, like Jewish from the bible. We're still around.
While introducing me... "This is Sarah, my Jewish friend."
Why does quantifying my religion feel important to do? Can't I just be your friend Sarah? Do you introduce everyone by their religion, race, sexual preference? Or just me?
As Emmanuel and Noa so eloquently display, thoughtful conversation can provide compassion and healing.
Now, as the book says... It's time to make antisemitism go out of style. It's time to check our moral barometers because as an overall society we are headed down a dangerous path.
It's up to us as individuals to "get uncomfortable", push our knowledge and try to be better people. I highly recommend both books.
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