I feel like I've spent 434 days like a warrior protecting my children from the horrors and hatred in the world. While fighting for their innocence, I've somehow begin neglecting their childhood.
I feel like I'm dragging my kids from one place to another. Always in a hurry. Always on the verge of running late. Ending the day exhausted. No energy for friends or park or socialization.
You see Siikwan's teacher has been in the reserves for over a month and he won't be back until the beginning of January. The school is trying to cover his class, but have not been 100% successful. Much to my dismay, my sweet and sensitive daughter has had a very rough time starting the first grade.
So in the moments she doesn't have a regular teacher she stays home, or comes to work with mommy. (Being a teacher and a mommy simultaneously is not recommended.)
Today, her semi regular teacher was out so since she struggles with the changes in staff, we took a casual morning to play. (I think we all needed it.)
434 days after the start of the war and Hamas' brutal invasion, massacre, and kidnapping... We went to the park on a school day and played, smiled, laughed.
Not saying these moments haven't happened in the past 14 months, but they've been hazier and perhaps even more forced or hurried than intended. But today felt a bit freer, lighter, happier, more hopeful. I made a point not to rush, but to take our time... even if it means I have a tighter schedule later on in the day. That's not their sacrifice to make.
Protecting their innocence while giving freedom for a healthy childhood has proven harder than expected. I want to say this last year, but when I think of the escalation of the past 5 years... I'm surprised sometimes that I'm still standing.
2 kids,
a bachelor's degree,
a full time job (let's face it, more than full time) teaching and running a department,
a pandemic,
a war,
global antisemitism,
almost losing both of my parents in various ways...
Need I go on?
No. I need to shut off the soup and come back to it later. I need to stop writing, put down my phone, and take the kids back to the park to get out more energy...have a childhood, and enjoy a semi sunny winter Friday afternoon.
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